Sunday, June 29, 2008
Recently, there are a few of my frenz going overseas to further their studies. How i envy them. I do wish i can have the chance to go overseas to further my studies. However, it's beyond my ability to do so. Well, i can only stay in S'pore to study. Sent one of my good fren off at the airport on Friday. Sh'es a real lucky gal! She's going to Aust to further her studies. The course she's taking is so cool! Best of luck to u gal!Meet up with quite a few of my sec sch frens yest. We went to have a last get-together with a classmate cum fren of ours. She's oso going off to Aust to further her studies soon. Lucky ppl! Had a great time yest as we reminisce the past. Many funny incidents here n there. We oso manage to catch up with one another n had a better idea of wat each other is doing now. I LOVE my SEC SCH FRENS!!! Those 4 yrs were my happiest moments so far. Those moments were oso the most unforgettable time tt i've spent in a school. I dun regret going there as it has moulded me to be a better person. I've learnt a lot there and got alot of precious moments n knowledge from there too. We have to treasure the many years of friendship!! (photos will be up at a ltr time)
it's you that i treasure.. 9:11 pm
There was once i told someone that there's no light nor rainbow in my life. Tt person din not believe me and told me not to be pessimistic. I'm not a pessimistic person but cuz of my background, i think it shaped me in this way. I tend to be a little more negative in the way i see things and i always prepare myself for the worst for everything. It's not good to beautify and think of the best for everything. Sometimes, it leads to more disappointment and one would/might slowly think that life has let them down. Isnt that worse when one starts thinking that life has let them down. Mayb cuz i'm really sick of life. Tt could be why i dun think much of living on in this world. if juz one day i was to die, there's nth much to hold me back nor there's anything that would make me perserve and live on. I dun feel that my existence did make much difference in this world. Mayb if i'm not in this world, i would feel and be better off. I had been thinking on this for quite some time. However, i still cant find an answer. I've tried to put an end to everything. However, i failed. I juz dun have the guts back then. If i could do it again, i would have the courage now but whether i succeed or not, it'll depend on fate. U need not feel sad for me or be sad cuz of me. It's a relief for me then. Instead, u shd be happy for me as i've freed myself for all the troubles and can be happy again. The irony of life is always such. There'll be people fighting v hard to carry on living in this world, yet there'll be people who will try ways n means to end it all. Everyone has a limit. If i'm over limit, then i'll juz snap and tt's it. Sometimes, i feel v tired n would wish that i can sleep n rest forever. I'm really sick of fighting on and this place. Here i am, blessed with a family and so many wonderful ppl. Yet, at times i wish i can be alone in this world or juz have a close kin and some frenz. 我心里有太多结了。我不知道要如何解开它们。很烦很烦很烦! 我好想一了百了,马上就解决! 我是否有这胆量吗?自己逃跑,跑到一个遥远的地方,跑到一个没人知道的地方。那时,你不需为我躁心也不需找我。因为我是存心避开大家的!你们也不要为我难过。把我给忘了,继续你们各自的生活吧!
it's you that i treasure.. 8:35 pm
Friday, June 20, 2008
Planned my lessons for my 1st semester and settled my timetable. Quite happy. Hope to find a job with flexible hours. So that i can study and work at the moment.. I desperatelly need $$$$..
My sch fees are really expensive and my mum dun really have the ability to pay for my fees and give me allowances. There's still my brother that she has to support and the monthly household expenses. I know she dun mean to nag bout my sch fees. I can understand the stress she's facing. But she has to spare a thought for me too.. I'm oso as stressed. I have to try to find a job with flexible hours asap and earn some money so that i can supplement the household expenses and earn my own allowances. I oso need to spend time n effort on my studies. This path is not easy. To really break out of this vicious cycle, I've to work real hard and prove my worth. If i managed to do well in my studies, my future will be bright. I dun mind not going into local uni. But i totally mind those kaypos and snobs around us! So wat if i cant get into local. Doesnt mean that going into a local uni, u're the best n smart. I dun think that my a lvls results are horrible. I passed all my subjects and i din fare badly for the subjects that i'm weak at.
Please mind your OWN BUSINESS!!! snub at us cuz my sis n i din get into local uni. Unless ur sons or daughters have gotten into local uni then come n laugh at us. Ppl are real realistic. Laugh at me cuz i was frm a prestigious pri sch but din get into a good sec sch.. But i got into a not so bad JC!!! Well, ur son came frm a good pri n sec sch but got into poly doing nursing.. Then u shut up n said that well tt's ur son's interest.. Please.. Dun give such lousy excuse!!! I can oso say i dun wan get into local uni. I prefer private cuz it's better n i have more chances to venture out! it might be true to a certain extent. I'm RECOGNISED in S'PORE n oso in LONDON!!! So dun 狗眼看人低..I juz wanna earn enuf money to support myself at the moment n do real well in studies. That's the only way to ease the burden off my mother. I dunno if 老天爷 is making things difficult for me. Nothing is going smoothly for me. I've met with obstacles after obstacles, difficulties aft difficulties. 吃得苦中苦, 方为人上人. I wonder how true is this. I find that the more 苦 i take, the weaker i become. At times i think i'll juz crumble real soon. Are these obstacles n difficulties really meant to test me and help me to be a stronger person?? I've been thinking about this question for a long while. I wan take the easy way out but will it shape my personality in another way? i wonder. As compared to many ppl n my peers, i find myself stronger and able to handle things better than them.
I do wonder at times what i would turn out to be if i was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Would i be a spoilt brat or a pampered princess or one who will take care of others n is v thoughtful? No doubt i dun have to think bout money matters but would i learn the value of money? Or would i spend when necessary n be thrifty at the same time? If i have a rich dad, i dun have to be so 拼 n try all available ways to earn money. i need not worry bout my expenses or the expensive school fees. I can juz work to pass time n gain experience. I dun have to think so much n consider this n that when i go shopping.. I can oso get things that i wan n oso need. i'll have less headache. Mayb i'll be loved more by my parents cuz they dun really have to worry bout not earning enuf to feed the family. Haiz... Yet ppl say that money is not 万能的. I do agree n disagree at times.
Well, i think i shd not think so much at times n work harder. In this way, i'll have a better future n my kids wont have to suffer n have to think about the above problems. Haha.. But i think i'll have to teach them the proper values n the importance of money. In this way, my kids wont be spoilt brats would dunno how to spend money frugally. haha...
Tata.. Knocking off soon...
it's you that i treasure.. 4:24 pm
Tis is my 1st time being a receptionist. N i dun really like being a receptionist! I'm so bored! there's like nothing much for me to do n i went round 'begging' for work to do. I'm used to having quite a few things on hand to do and not sit there n juz ans call or serve guests drinks. Somemore my company is small scale, so there's not much calls to answer too. So i've lots of time to myself. Occassionally juz open door, send couriers or serve drinks. Hmm.. I can still study econs n read the newspaper if i wan.
Sad thing is that there's no young or cute guys here!!! Not much motivation here! hee... I was still looking forward to seeing cute guys as this is a MNC. But got disappointed cuz the guys here are quite old. Only got quite a few potential sugar daddy. haha.. My boss is not bad. I find the environment here not bad at the moment...
Going back to sch in another one month plus...
it's you that i treasure.. 4:12 pm
Sunday, June 15, 2008
I wanna thank pearly(my job agent).. She's quite a nice person.. Though i've been bugging her for the past 5 months for either my pay or help me get a new job, she neva once got angry with me or was frustrated with my constant bugging... Thanks to her again.. I'm off to my new job tmr!! So happy.. Finally i've a job n can earn money n dun have to stay home... She really gave me a shock on fri morning.. As i was still sleeping, her call really woke me up.. I've been sending out resumes for the past 2 weeks.. Only a few called me up for interviews.. So i tot it was another call to ask me down for interview n ltr rejection again..in the end, pearly told me tt there's tis job which is quite close to my hse n i can start work almost immediately.. I jumped out of bed n was so excited for the rest of the day.. Thanks to her.. I'll be off to work again... HAPPY!!! Good night ppl.. Time for bed!
it's you that i treasure.. 11:29 pm
I dunno if i really made a right decision.. I HATE MY LIFE!! i'm been accepted into UOL's Econs n management.. I dun mind studying there.. If i work hard n persist n get either 2nd class or even 1st class honours, i've a bright future! Howeveer, not everyone agrees with me.. Headache here n there.. I dunno if it's on impulse or not, but there's a great desire for me to end it all there.. Once n for all.. 1st, private uni is not considered as good as the local de, namely NUS n NTU!
2nd, the super duper expensive sch fees.. the job i ve at e moment doesnt pay tt well.. So tt's a limit i can save n prepare for my future expenses.. I WAN MONEY!!!!
Sometimes, circumstances forces us to do things tt's beyond us.. It's not a case whereby one can choose to do it or not. It's a case whereby we have to do it. The differences may only be defined on a thin line..
Ppl say tt i'm too matured for my age n too pessimistic.. But have anyone tot of the fact tt being forced to grow up at a young age n also be exposed to the good n evil side of life since young will have a long lasting effect on a person? Every child is entitled to both a happy n sad childhood. If parents wish to let their child to exposed to more of the good side of life, wat can one do? But if parents decide to exposed the child to both sides, wat can one do? Having suitable exposure to both sides may have its pros n cons.. The child can learn e hard way of life n treasure the stuff n ppl around him. Not only that, the child will also not take anything or anyone for granted. However, if the child is not able to fully understand the ongoings around him/her, there'll be repercussions. So parenting is something tt's profound n requires huge efforts. Well, if a child is too protected n live in a 'fairy tale way' life, then e ppor child might suffer. In this age n time, the world is getting more realistic. If no cert, u cant survive.. If no money, u cant survive. If no job, u cant survive too.. Everything revolves round paper qualifications, money.. No doubt money cant buy kinship.. But if u dun have money, no need talk bout kinship.. We can all see it around us. If u have poor relatives, there's some chances whereby u'll not want to associate urself with them for fear of them borrowing money from u or even disgracing u in front of ur frens n family. Tt's how realistic the world is.. So is not tt i'm pessimistic..
Mayb i'm really sick of life.. I dunno... I juz realised tt the time whereby one need the greatest courage is not when u've to apologise for ur wrongdoings. It's actually the time whereby u decide to say goodbye to this world earlier than expected. Saying "I LOVE YOU", "I'M SORRY" doesnt need much courage. Dun worry.. i think i wont say goodbye tt early.. Cuz i havent muster up tt courage i need.. i failed once so i'm not gonna fail e 2nd time..
it's you that i treasure.. 10:55 pm
It's been such a long time...
I'm back to blogging again... Disappeared for quite a while... Sorry ppl.. Din have the time nor the mood to blog.. Anyway.. Many things happened during these few weeks... Both big n small matters.. Difficult n easy problems to solve..
I may look strong on the outside but i'm actually quite a weak person.. I can put on a brave front to ease ppl's mind.. Tt's how i was a person for the past many many years.. I'm not fake.. I'm tot to be a strong n brave person to many ppl.. So wat can i do except put on a strong front n let them koe i can still handle the situations on hand.. I'm not ironman or a person who's devoid of any feelings.. I can be happy, angry or sad.. I have emotions and i throw tantrums.. I cry when i'm upset, i laugh when i'm happy n i blow up when i'm irritated.. Everyone has the rights to the above... Doesnt mean tt u're someone more senior then u've the right to the above!!!!!!!
it's you that i treasure.. 10:34 pm